12 weeks baby.

in 12 weeks i get to not only see my little girl, but i get to watch my little boy become a brother. this makes my heart SOAR.

you talk about her with love and adoration, and it is not lost upon me that the changes YOU will make will be as important as the ones she will.
i get to watch you grow more and more every day as it is, having a little sister you want to love and protect...its just another step.

i love you sweets.

i wish i could put it into words how much i love you and how thankful i am that He who Knows Us Best knew our hearts were meant to be together. soul mates we are.

never forget that :)

Purple duck and jude.

My favorite breakfast dates. You have kinda decided you're in love wth french toast. It took me telling you it was "pie" toast before you'd try it...even then you insisted if it wasn't "fresh pie" it wasn't good. :)

Jude singingn to maya

Abc's anyone?

Blowin rasps

Oh jude. You LOVE blowing raspberries on my tummy with maya in there.  So much so that EVERYTHING you do, you get this adorable grin. You will love each other! Maya, you have an amazing brother.

Love you!

"Are you okay mahmee?"

Yesterday mahmee was hurtin so bad I was crying. You ran to me "mommyyyyy! What's wrong? Why are you so sad?" You asked so kindly through a congested nose. I explained my back hurt and sometimes maya in my tummy made it real bad. You responded with "can I rub it for you?" And then you rubbed it so sweetly. You're so kind love. You stayed by my side until we watched a movie together all the while asking "are you okay mahmeeee?" And repeatedly "rubbing" my back. you're precious. Thank you for your heart. Soon we will go shopping for a child who has no christmas. Its called toys for tots and we do it to give a baby boy or girl a good christmas when their mommy and daddy maybe don't have lots of monies.

Where does mahmee lay?

This is you. Laying horizontally.
Silly goose.

daddy's incredible birthday present!

i love you both so much that i constantly worry about you. its true. its a burden i bear.
but i am GRATEFUL. every day. that i have your health for that moment. when each day passes and you sleep soundly, im SO happy you made the day with me and you are well.
i love you both so much.

and there are so many mommies and daddies that have precious babies that arent healthy right now. and mommy is very atached to a place called St Jude. its a hospital for children that, once accepted, the families are exempt from medical bills. the kids in this hospital have varying types of cancer or serious illnesses, andthis place is a lifeline for them.
i hope we never have to use it, or apply for it, or even need to think such things. but i always make sure, that even if we have very little on the money side, that we give to those who truly are in a worse position than us. i feel its Gods calling for me to do such a thing. i give every so often, 5$ here, 10$ there, 40$ every now and again.

daddy did an incredible thing.

for my birthday yesterday he had reached out to lots of friends and family.
he asked each of them for $11.21 (my birthday month and date) and set up an account for them to donate. after 3 weeks he had collected $190.56 for St Jude. my heart was blown away.
190.56 is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. but it HELPS. its incredible really and i was so amazed by Daddy's heart and soul and that he can see my heart for others is so much so that it made my night.

im amazed. just in awe!

i hope you get our hearts.

soon we will venture out into the hectic holiday shopping and let Mr Jude pick out a gift for a kid for toys for tots.

and Purple Grandma and Ayla and Dan bought me Toms for my birthday, an organization that when you purchase a pair of shoes from them, they give another pair to a child who has none in another country. my birthday was selfless and i am SO excited for it. i think i might do it next year too :)

im thankful for you babies!
here are some more pictures of the last birthday i have before maya comes into our lives! had a great time at the surprise party daddy organized for me. i was all swollen and exhausted, but had a BLAST!

You have the best daddy ever!

Happy birthday to me!

My babies.
Its my 25th birthday and this is all I want for my birthday. I have everything I could want and need wrapped in two perfect bodies.
Thank you god for bringing my babies to me. My heart is full and life is love.

You two are, along with daddy, my world. Id be lost without you. Thank you jude for making the last 3 birthdays incredible and for my papaya for making this the first of many as a foursome. Love you both!

Accident.

I woke up this morning to you, while in bed with me, crying uncontrollably about an accident. It was a tiny one, didn't even soak through your pants! You were so upset and claimed you peed on rhino and the blanket and sheet. It took awhile to tell you there was no meess other than your jams and by the time I did you were wide awake. We called daddy to calm down...and now mahmee needs some coffee. Early morning for us!

Mommies and babies.

Today love, I reminded god how grateful I am for you.
There are so many mommies and daddies that wait for their babies. So many people that want a baby to love as much as I love you. I'm so thankful that through all the doctors and medicine throughout my teenage years, that the 10 years of medicines paid off and I got you. We didn't have to wait very many months before you started growing and I am thankful every day. You completed me...it wasn't until maya came to be in my stomach that I actually felt my love could grow more than what you gave, but make no mistake my love...your soul matches mine..and even if you and maya are it for us...I won't be any less thankful. God picked you for me and daddy. And I am thankful. I want all the mommies and daddies to have their babies. I pray for aunt k to havve the baby she has waited for for so many years, and miss p also. So much love is waiting and it breaks my heart they can't feel the love I fel for you. You are perfect and worth every pill, every shot, every appointment every scalpel. I'm in love with you.

Thank you lord. For my perfect baby boy and my girl in my stomach. Thank you, thank you.
How did I come to deserve it? I could not have imagined a love like this.
Please lead those mothers to their children lord.
And thank you, tenfold for all you've given us.

I'm so blessed!

I'm just so happy you two are in my life!

With daddy.

My handsome boys.

I do. :)

Boys.

Every night without fail "I need my boys". Rhino, woonkah, baby bear, bunny and now this tiny purple platypus duck thing. A few months ago you picked out a purple duck for maya and I found a mini one at the thrift store and you're attached. I love the big heart you have, big enough for mahmee, daddy, maya and all your boys. You're perfect :)

veterans day.

today we remember veterans. Veterans are people who love(d) our country enough to sign up knowing they may lose their life for our freedoms. We dont like War, and Mahmee and Daddy dont believe violence s the answer. luckily, we arent the ones faced with making big decisions about these things. and since war does happen, we have WONDERFUL people who sacrifice for our country. we are thankful to them. We like to send them Letters while tey are deployed, even strangers, and we send care packages and prayers. we can only thak them, and their families that sacrifice for us. im SO grateful we have wonderful people protecting me and my babies and my family :) here are a few people mahmee and daddy know who are serving their country :)

Aunt Kay - Mahmee's sister. She is currently in the Navy as a nurse. 

Uncle K - Just enlisted this past 6 months and is on his first R&R. He is going to do great things. 

J Green - His wife is a friend of Mahmee's from high school. he is in the Navy and right now his little boy and girl and wife do not get to see him all the time. what a great sacrifice. 

R McKeown - a friend of Mahmee's from high school. we worked together with children for awhile, and i went to church with his daddy. good men they are. 

Mahmee's birth daddy - not your Poppa Russell but the man who met my birth mommy and had me. we are thankful for his service in the military, even if he isnt around our lives much, he still sacrificed for our country. and we like that. 

S Finch - a friend of Mahmee's from high School.

S Knight - a friend of Mahmee's from our old work. 

J Woodford - an old friend of Mahmee's even though we may not speak much, we love his sacrifice. 

K Ponce - Mahmee's oldest friend. Ive known her since elementary school. She has been in the military for over 5 years. what a great thing!

Uncle Nick - Daddy's friend. He is in the military and has been for awhile. good guy!

Uncle Vic - Mahmee's friend from high school and a good man. we love him, and he was in the service for over 8 years! such a great man he is! His wife Sheila and him have 4 kids, and he had to be away from them a lot :( its a good thing he did for us.

J Bolton - Mahmee's friend from when she lived with Mr Richard.  

Mr Dre - Mahmee met him through letters she sent overseas to him.

Andy Ralls - Mahmee's friend Andy passed away 2 weeks after judebug was born, and while it wasnt in the military, it was related to it. im thankful for him and all he did when he was away in Iraq and i wrote him lots. i miss him, and i think about him often. especially today :( he had a little baby boy named Jaxon he never got to meet because he went to heaven, but we look out for him.

Mr Thomas! - Miss Nikki's once husband, love of her life, and her babies' daddy :) hes a fun guy and he has been in themilitary for awhile in the navy. we like him. 

lots of people, more than we imagine, are in those other countries helpign them, and helping us, and we love them. 

those that are home now and safe, those who went to heaven, those who are away in other countries and deployed or in training. we are thankful. 

always do nice things and tell them thank you. 

aunt heather always says thanks whenever she sees someone in uniform. and its a good practice. 

much love babies. happy veterans day. 

New education helper!

Daddy bought you a special "laptop" called a tablet to help with your words and learning and playing. We love seeing you learn! Today we went to omsi (oregon museum of science and industry) and you got to play a lot! Our motto is "if its important enough to wonder, its important enough to know!". This new tablet usuallly costs 700$ but daddy got this one from work! How exciting! We gotta be careful; these can't have insurance!

My last thought will always be you.

Before I embark on a big journey.
Before I rest my eyes to sleep.
Before I make a decision.
Before I do anything.

You are always. Always. My last thought.

I just know your little sister will be too.

My greatest accomplishment is being your mahmee.

I love you sonshine!