little note to my babies.

its no secret i call my Jude my "SonShine" and little Maya will be no exception. Baby girl you will be my Maya Moon.

to be able to say "Good Morning SonShine" and "Good Night Moon" will just make my day.

i worry about you both every day, but i have faith. Faith in God. God is wonderful. and He knows that my love for you is all encompassing. after all, my love for you, is exactly what He feels for me. Im his baby, just like you both are my babies, an youre also his!

sometimes Mahmee worries about things, but no matter WHAT happens...nothing breaks the bond we have as a family. the bond between Mahmee and Daddy and my sonshine and my maya moon.

i love you babies!

you make me proud with every beat of your hearts.

this morning...

"whoa mahmee! what happened to your butt?!"

"Nothing!"

"it looks like the bugs got it."

how do i explain cellulite to a 3 year old? oh, thats right...i eat healthy and hopefully when you read this at the age of 18..you wont have to worry about my dimply booty.

ive had a GREAT day with you. we went to see our friend Emily and her son Cassius. and he hit you a couple times in the face, and you didnt hit back!im so proud of you! and then we ate subway with aunt keemy and came back. i wanna get us matching shirts. you like to watch The Biggest Loser with me and we call it the exercise show. youre so good! you love to work out with me :]

you tell me im on your team, and just now when i told you we were gonna cook together you asked if we could cook now. how can i say no?!

gonna go cook with my boy,

my oh my how i love you!

(also...every time you exclaim loudly something, your little sister moves around a bit :] i love knowing she gets to hear your voice. love you!)

i love you more.

just so much more than stupid words will be able to say.

youre just the best thing about my life.

you and daddy and soon maya.

god i wish that there were words i could find in the world to really explain how much i love you. if there were, i'd search forever so you could actually experience my love to the depth in which i feel it.

youre so precious to me.

i hope you always know you are the smile on my face and the life in my heart.

i love you.

"Let's go mahmee!"

This is what you did when you were ready for bye bye. Weirdo.

:)

:)

"Jude...let's go get ready to go to dinner." Excitement. "Are we going to subway?!?!?!" Haha.

Then after you were dressed you ran to daddy and said "you're the best boy ever." Then ran to me and said "you're the best girl ever." You're just our soulmates :)

Never be ashamed

Never be ashamed of who you are to anyone...especially daddy or me. We love you no matter what.

Remember that.

If you ever feel you can't talk to anyone...you can come to us.

If you ever feel sad or scared or unhappy...come to us babies, we want to love and hold you and make it all better.

We will always be mahmee and daddy. And we love our babies so so much. For who you are, and nothing less. Love you pumpkins!

Today I posted on my facebook about you.

I always have the most amazing times with him. I never tire of his jokes, even the unfunny ones. He makes me smile. Lets me love and be loved and he makes my heart complete. I feel the safest in his arms and trust his happiness in no one elses but mine. I love every kiss, every hug and I hang onto every word. I am in love and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm fairly certain his only flaws are his uneven nipples and his always dirty feet. I love you (five) Julian :)

You're incredible!

Raspberries on maya.

I just laughed so hard. Gosh I am just so in awe of your humor and your presence!

Tus ojos

You seriously have THE most beautiful eyes EVER.

Our conversation.

Jude: mahmee you're my whole life I've ever seen. :)

Mahmee: jude you're my soul mate.
Jude: you're MY soulmate.
Mahmee: can we be soulmates forever?
Jude:yeah and we'll be friends forever?
Mahmee: oh yes.
Jude: I love you mahmee.
Mahmee: I love you so much julian.

You.are.perfect for me. Thank you for being my son.

These hands

As I wrote this...you came to me crying. You slipped on a football. I cuddled you in my arms. Then wiped your tears from your face ("cleaning your face" as you call it) let you down and you ran around the table :) love you.

Boooo!

Oh man. This was so fun! A stretch really, because you HATE stuff on your hands and feet. But you trucked through and we made lots of footsie ghosts. You and mahmee just made a lot of peoples days I just know it!

Crafts with you are fun and I love you baby boy! :)

Love you!

Olive monster :)

Love you!

National coming out day.

I wrote this on a page for acceptance of homosexuals.
This is honestly how I feel.

"I was thinking today,"national coming out day", that if my son or daughter ever came to me to come out, the only tears id cry would be tears of happinesss that I was a good enough mother that they knew they could tell me anything without judgement or sadness and that I would share in their everything, same as I would if they "came out" that they were straight. It would change nothing of my love for them. And I hope, when that day comes, that it be legal that they can marry the man or woman of their dreams :) as long as you are good to those you love, and even those you don't...you'll never disappoint me (or the lord) babies. let no one tell you otherwise :) Love you!"

You are not defined to me by the person you fall in love with babies. You, to me, are my baby. You are the one I give my heart to and set an example for. If you ever need to tell me anything at all about feelings in your heart never hesitate! I will not "tolerate" you. I will embrace you! You will always be my babies as long as you give love freely and responsibly and treat others well. Be safe, be smart, and know I'm here for you.

More on that later; mahmee is sooo sick and needs some rest.
Loves!

just loving on you toa friend...

i just love talking about you.

osiimay: judes fave movie is tangled

blackeyelashes05: Adorable. I love that you encourage his "soft spots" or feminity. Some parents wouldn't be so loving.

osiimay: i want to know who he is

osiimay: not who i make him to be

blackeyelashes05: It's true.

osiimay: hes a sweet boy who loves certain people with everything. he tells me he loves me a million times a day and i always answer. he is inquisitve. and loves spiderman, but only the 67 collection. he doesnt like the new stuff. he is scared of monsters and he loves his "friends" he has a wonderful memory for random things like his daddy, but hates to clean like his mommy. he is very cuddly and loving. and has started to hate his own bedroom. he wants a Big bed, and will likely be getting a twin before im ready for it.

osiimay: he has a play crown, but also likes wrestling figurines.

osiimay: the moment we get in the door he removes his pants.

osiimay: when i tell him i love him he gets VERY excited and says "YOU DO?! OH! gimme a HUG mommy!"

osiimay: he loves to learn his letters but isnt emotionally ready for the knowledge of reading he has...

osiimay: he hates clothes and is fascinated with my breasts.

osiimay: he has his "boys" his Rabbit named Bunny. his Bear named Woonkah, his jaguar named Baby Jaguar, his rhino named Rhino and his (my old) polar bear named baby bear.

osiimay: he loves pacifiers and i dont hate it but i dont encourage it. we practice dont offer dont refuse...but he never forgets that he wants it. he says he wants to be a flower when he grows up.

osiimay: and when he sees people cry on tv or movies he gets really sad.

osiimay: hes just perfect.

blackeyelashes05: He truly is. And what's more he's perfect for you.

i just LOVE my boy. i LOVE getting to know YOU.

Judith!

Spiderjude spider jude
He's got manners
He isn't rude
Spider jude spider jude
He's sometimes has some attitude spiderjude!

I love this. Daddy tried it on you in the store and you were so proud! You've taken a very strange liking to spiderman (only the 60s shows not current) and we have no idea why.

But we're very excited for you to go out with daddy for halloween.

Yay! Love you buddy!

to my jude, and to my maya.

to my jude, and to my maya.

 "NO ONE will EVER know the strength of MY LOVE for YOU.

 After all, YOU are the ONLY ones who know what my HEART

 sounds like from the INSIDE."

youre my beautiful beautiful babies. 

im blessed to be your mother. 

and i love you in ways i will never be able to explain. 

i pray every day that i get more time with you to show you. 

you ARE my life. 

my HEARTs.

youre everything to me babies.

"Accidents happen?"

Today you pooped your pants and were very sad about it.
Through tears you said "sometimes accidents happen mahmee?" And after bath you still felt sad. I think cuddling is in order...burrito baby :)

:)

Lovethisboy!

:)

awww LEARNING!

youve been learnign up a storm!

while mastering your spanish words (still stuck on pijnk - rosado and purple - morado) you have been learnign other things.

sounds of letters and how they play out in a word.

you've read the word BALLS (go figure) and you can spell JULIAN by saying each letter in your head.

as i type this you are learning adding and subtracting with daddy.

he calls them "equations" and you call them "vacations". i LOVE it.

also we learned recently that baby animals drink milk from their mommy's and when Maya comes, she will drink milk from mommy's boobies. you are SO smart!

im so excited for all you have done love!

:)

Love

Haha imma make fun of you as a teenager.

:)

:)

Today you, out of nowhere said this:

"mahmee. I can't live without you when you're gone."

Honey. I feel the same way. I love you with everything.