first food? Pea Soup!

daddy made split pea soup, with a little spice even and you loved it. couldnt tell by this foto, but you were just awkward about texture. :)

Day with MissJenn and Lyall.

spent a day with Miss Jenn and YiYo. Yiyo is a couple months older than you, and clearly you guys played well :)

Miss Jenn sure thinks youre wonderful. and we love her and mr yiyo.

things mummy loves...for YOU.

hmmm...

my baby boy, every loving mother wants to get everything that makes their baby feel good. 

there are some things i thought i would like...and didnt and some things i found that i loved. 

Adiri Bottles -  Adiri Natural Nurser System.

Aunnie April bought us your first bottles that mummy used when your tongue tie made nursing painful, but i didnt want to stop breastfeeding. 

adiri natural nurser system helped you not get nipple confusion. and has helped you eat comfy when i am working. 

they are like booby shaped bottles that help babies eat like mom is feeding em. 

www.adiri.com. 

i LOVE them.

i had stocked up on  bottles and Avent bottles also which will probably be used when you're older, but for now, and the last 4 months, they just sit there waiting for when im ready to use them. the adiri was a life saver when it hurt SO badly. 

Pampers Swaddlers - 

my favorite diapers turned out to be the Pampers Swaddlers (with the yellow line to tell me from 2 feet away you need a changing : ] ) i also like that they give a vaccine to a child that needs it when you purchase specially marked packages.

i got a LOT of different kinds when i was pregnant, at my baby shower i had a diaper raffle where people bought a package of diapers for a raffle ticket...you're 4 months old and i only had to buy 1 package of diapers (we didnt think you would be small enough for newborn so no one got us any!). we still have some left! (the Luvs arent bad either. they dont work for Aunnie April and Juliet, but they work for my boy!)

the big Dwell Studio blankets have been your favorite. found at target they are bigger than the standard 30x30 receiving blankets, and you still love to be swaddled. 

30x30 arent big enough anymore, so i packed them away and some i gave to Gramma to make a quilt for mommy.  : ]

Canvas Storage boxes. they are medium sized and now that you have outgrown the NB and 0-3 month clothes i stash those away with labels for the next baby : ]

i love these boxes. 

Toms shoes - canvas. I wear them, and i bought a SUPER cute pair for you. they are part of the toms movement. if you buy a pair, a pair goes to a child in another country, free. 

yours are white with little navy buffalo on them. SO cute. 

evenflo swing...

you LOVE your swing. sometimes you fuss until we put you in there. 

we got the medium height portable one, and you love it LOVE it. 

it was given to us by Delilah. she didnt like it much. not for everyone i guess!

Evenflo embrace carseat - 

we have one with little animals in beige on it. it keeps you safe and we have 2 bases, one for our car and another we use for when baby sitters need to take you someplace!

Carters - 

some of the BEST clothes we have for you, the nice ones made of the nice texture and nice material and cute designs. 

i like the Child of Mine (a division of carters) brand as well!

and Circo!

we LOVE target!

Gerber - NUK orthodontic pacifiers:

we tried the infamous soothies (everyone else raves about em, you didnt like them though..maybe the next bebe will!)

we tried Mam, you were too impressed but the NUK stayed in your mouth even before your tongue tie was fixed!!! you still love em. i bought a MUNCHKIN pacifier "leash" and it stays nearby all the time! it is a wee small for your mouth right now. ill have to see if they have one a little bigger, but not quite 6+ months. 

oh and we way prefer the silicone nipple, not so much the latex!

its not our bag!

oh and mummy LOVES the 

EVENFLO breast pump that Ms. erin bought for the baby shower. 

it runsa bout 50 bucks or so for a dual electric, and while some dont like em, it works wonderful for me!!! the insulated pouch keeps the milk nice and cool before it can get toa  fridge or freezer and the pump isnt uncomfortable. the adapter is a necessity, and if the batteries are used the only way the strength is high is if they are new. but its okay!

i like it. i used the medela at the hospital and i still prefer the evenflo! lot smaller too. not so bulky. it is a single user though. 

Lansinoh milk bags keep the milk fresh, and the breast ointment helped when your tongue tie hurt. 

the first month of nursing is always a pain from every mother ive spoken to, but this helped!

so did good ole air exposure. (keep that in mind reading mummies! air exposure after feeding is a GOOD thing. just dont forget and fall asleep. i learned the hard way). 

for babies with big feet i use the 6 month faded glory socks also. 

him has BIG feet! and the elastic in the ones with the big tops dont leave the indents in your feets!

oh and for wipes; the huggies cucumber melon ones are AMAZING. 

hmmm. not sure what else i can really recommend right now. 

but im gonna keep making good choices for you baby boy. 

loves you!

Mummy.

things.

dear boy. my dear julian. 

its all irrelevant. 

everything but LIFE, LOVE, FAMILY, HEART, HOME. 

dont spend your time on frivolous things. 

spend it loving people.

spend it helping people. 

do what you can for who you can with what you have. 

Love people. 

give people the benefit of the doubt, but understand sometimes people will deny you, and you cant help everyone. 

be appreciative. 

always tell people you love them. 

but onlky say it when you mean it. 

dont hurt people intentionally. 

when someone is hurtful to you...give it a few days and let your anger simmer, and take the high road. 

i haver such high hopes for you. and i will always be there for you. 

always. 

that is the promise of all promises. 

love you boy. 

Julian.

its almost time for me to go back to work. 

im nervous. i've been home, being mommy for 3.5 months. 

i LOVE it. 

it is the MOST incredible thing ever. 

nothing is more amazing or rewarding. 

i get to hang out with the coolest kid ever. 

baby boy. 

im also gonna start a support group. for people who have disorders like i do. 

Endo. PCOS. infertility - explained and unexplained.

miscarriage. stillbirth. 

everything. 

i want everyone to have someone. 

the darn journey is annoying. 

but you are proof its worth it baby boy. 

i have NO idea where to start. 

i hope i can do this.

im amazed by you.

dear dear boy. 

you are getting so big. laughing and playing. 

still hate being on your tummy...but damn do i love that smile. 

you're mommy's heart. her love. 

she and daddy thank big Daddy for you every day!

love mummy.

the words.

Dear Julian,

oh my boy. 
i love EVERYTHING about you. 
with EVERYTHING i am. 
and EVERYTHING i want to be. 
and EVERYTHING i want for you. 
in EVERYTHING i do. 
i love you. 
completely. 
unconditionally. 
irreversibly. 
undeservedly. 

i love you Julian Russell Charles. 
this is all me trying to explain to the world what it feels like...

and all i can do is try because there will never be words baby boy. i love you. 

the words.

can you breathe?
can you breathe it in?
feel it washing over...
can you see?
can you see within?
can you breathe it in?

softly overtakes you
you feel it gently paralyzing
so you try to break it down
but you're feeling everything...

looking down with wonder
feel it overwhelming
there are no words. 
there will never be the words. 

can you breathe
can you breathe it in?
everything you see....
let it all sink in...

theres never been a love
thats been quite like this
theres never been a love

in all of this world

that has felt this way before

never a connection
never an emotion
never such a feeling
never such devotion
oh it wont be the same...
i'm not the same...
anymore. 

the simplest of it all
bringing me to tears
knowing this love, and knowing you
is the answer to my prayers

feel it overwhelming
breath it in so deeply
there are no words. 
there will never be the words. 

can you breathe it in
breathe it in completely
there will never be words
no there will never be words.