:] 15 months!

you are 15 months now bug.

i can hardly believe it. daily i am thankful you chose me and for each of your breaths god gives me.

you say "yes" in sign now, and try to say words daily. you say "daddy" all the time. you love him so much and he does too!

you say milk and juice and more please which sounds like mo pee and you sign them both at the same time. you have another earf infection :( mommys back still hurts and ive missed work this week.

i long for the days when i can stay home with you, and its been on my mind so much more lately. i try to think of things i can do to still make money and be home with you.
its hard, being away so much hurts my heart. i love watching you grow. but i also love providing for you. you are our everything!

we are saving up and planning our wedding and its hard to think about not working when i want to plan the best wedding possible for daddy and me. i can hardly wait to be mrs backer and have us all have the same last name.

marriage doesnt make a family, baby, love does.

i keep thinking about giving you a brother or sister. i want a large family. our kitties and a dog, brothers and sisters for you and a house to live in.

i crave being with you, and feel so blessed for every second with you.

you make me so happy. ive never felt so content.

miss jess and miss halley had their baby, a little girl named casey. miss emily had her boy cassius too! miss amy is going to have her baby boy, to be named elliott, in a couple months. i feel happiness seeing my loved ones feel this happiness.

ive spent 3 days on the couch with my hurt back but your face makes me smile despite my pain. you truly make my heart happy.

i bought you a little jude sized chair and you love to sit in it and climb on it. you can say slam dunk now and love basketball. you love to play it and you say baball whenever you see people with basketballs.

you can also say cheese which is SO cute.

i worked hard on your baby book and added a lot of things to it. its finally updated and im almost up to date with all the things i want in it. it has your first trip to the zoo, the museum, first concert to the fray and first blazer game. i want to get professional photos done soon of us as a family.

ive been making tuesdays "jude'sDays" where i take you someplace new or fun or have playmates over like mr boston, mr lyall, or miss Juliet.
seeing you experience new things brings me to new mommy levels.

seeing you with daddy makes me happy too.

i havent updated here much but dont think for a second its because i dont want to. im just enjoying every single second with you.

sigh.

you said dinosaur the other day but have had a hard time saying it again.


i made you a blanket this week. crocheted it all for you. green and brown. its a little bigger than you, and nanny helped me start it so i could make it perfect. i hope you like it.

i want to help people Jude.
i want to make my dollies for kids who are sick. maybe little dollies for girls and dinos for boys.
i want to make blankets for the people who dont have any.
i want to send packages to soldiers.
and i want to take pictures of their families for them so they have pictures to remind them of home.
i hope i can raise you to love others.
thats all God wants from us, is for us to be good people, and do good things for others.

always do what you can with what you have love, and you will be a good person.

im SO SO proud of you.

always your mommy. always.

mo-ma.

:(

you are so growing up!

daddy moved you into your own room for sleeping 2 days ago. im having a hard time with it. people may offer their own opinions...but to be honest, you are no different than their kids who slept in another room all this time. i know i was going to do it eventually, but man im sad. i miss having you there.,

youre teething and miserable; you are working on 6 right now to total 14. wow!

i worked on your baby book tonight, and promised myself to not be busy tomorrow on my day off. its just you and me together at home the whole day. and aunt heather will stop by!

i take you out on tuesdays now for "judesday" i call it. zoo, museum, kids club. soon to be library, aquarium, waterfront. i want you to see things.

on the homefront...you have started learning tantrums...and we are gonna nip that in the bud. you love to laugh and the other day i ran inside i was so excited to see you after work and we played "tag".

how beautiful and miraculous and wonderful you are to me baby.


i love you.



love mommy and daddy.

big boy.

you are doing so well. you have amazing new facial expressions and im blown away by you.


im so excited for another weekend with you. im going to work on taking you on adventures on the weekly. tuesdates with Julian.

:]

no one can ever match the love i have for you.

you are my soulmate.

i love knowing you feel the same.

just checking in.

you're still perfect.

getting 4 teeth and 2 molars and whatever else god has in there.

i taught you to say "pow pow" and pretend punch.

:]

youre crying now. im going to go get you.


love you baby.