you're beautiful.

that pretty much sums it up.


love you.

Museum Trip pics. :)

hmmm

i LOVE you.
this new shift is hard; i don't see daddy much, and we don't get family time with mommy daddy and Julian.

nanny is having a hard time, and no matter what she loves you very much.

i'm moving through things the best i can. and i love you very much. things with you seem so much brighter. i want to go to school and find a way to make things work. i wont sacrifice your life baby, i know that me getting smarter and getting a real education and job are important, but i want to save all the precious time with you.
i have appointments and i filled out paperwork to go to school if i can get enough monies. i dont think that i could handle working full time and going to school and missing out on time with you. you are everything that i have ever wanted.

i could never have dreamed, and boy did i dream, that having a child would be THIS amazing.

i always imagined being a mommy, but i could not have picked out a more perfect match for Daddy and I.
you are funny (today you crawled around with one of your remotes i bought you in your mouth to be silly).
you like music and dancing and drumming and singing.
you like to play with mommy and daddy, crawling and laughing and tickling and joking around.

we had wonderful time today and i got some home videos of it.
last night you thought it was funny to keep reaching for daddy's beer. we have to keep all eyes on you! you like the dangerous things; you reach for knives and mommy's nasty cigarettes and beers and you always beg for daddy's spicy foods. sometimes it makes you cry that we don't let you have these things, but when you are older and you read this you'll understand that we want nothing but the best for you.

i will quit smoking for you lover.
i don't want you to think this is a good thing.
i'm getting healthier; i've lost 84 lbs now.
i do this all for you and daddy. i'm SO in love with my life.

my life is now LIFE with you.

thank you for picking me and Daddy.
i'll spend my life showing you that we are the perfect match. :]

oh yes, and you have mastered saying MORE in ASL and you also now say Down when you want down. you're beautiful!

museum!

so the zoo got rained out today love but we still went to portland and went to the museum with juliet miss a. lady j and b. mr justin and nanny. so much fun. we missed daddy terribly while he worked. we need family time. soon baby. soon. you were so tired but you are learning! loved spending my days off with you beau!

more.

today while telling a subway guy you knew how to say please in asl we got to talking about how i have tried to teach you to say "more" in asl...and that you hadnt yet done it, no matter how hard we tried.


but my word, as the words came out of my mouth...you did it!!!!

such a big boy! you then proceeded to do it for the rest of the night when i asked if you wanted more of something!


im SO proud of you Julian!


i can only dream and hope and pray that you truly know how much mommy and daddy love you.

because i will never be able to explain it.


i love you little beau!

cranky day

i think you need momma cuddles.

you are so restless and cranky today.

daddy is sick and you can tel i think.

im going to go in soon and cuddle you to sleep.


love you baby!

just some bonding time with mommy.

i love these moments!

every one of them is cherished.

there will be lots more.
since you came home to us we have over 15000 photos on the laptop. gotta clean up some or there wont be room for the rest of all the memories!

Miss Emiry Mac had her baby boy Cassius. and miss Amy is having a baby boy too for you to play with. how wonderful!

im so grateful that people i know get to experience that love. i pray daily that those who try desperately get to have it as well.

i love you handsome and every moment is amazing. i dont take it for granted at all.

loves you.


mama.

some photos of my boy.

just some fun updates from my weekend with you. mommy missed 2 days of work with a hurty back.
but you are always so sweet. you came up to me so many times and made silly faces, like this mahsser scrunchy faced one.
it was like you were trying to make me laugh.
you were SO good while i was laying on the couch. i love being around you. sometimes i wish that i spent more time with you.
i do enjoy every second im with you. today was rough. you went to bed at about 1000 last night and woke up around 1300! thats a lot of sleep and you were fussy and cuddly and indecisive all day. poor baby.

i love you baby. praying you feel better tomorrow! mommy and daddy are having a date night with mr clifton and miss carrie tomoirrow and you will get to hang out with miss April and mister Justin and miss Juliet.
you love them and i will come see you right when we get back into town. we are going to see the blazers! im excited for next season when you will be bigger and we can take you again!

new trick!

you have learned to rhythmically pat when we say "drumming"!
which is really fun when we say singing and you say "yaya yayaaaa yaaayaaaa" :]

you are going to be so musical!


today mommy was at home with a hurt back and you two went with mitch and codi to food and to the nail place : ] they all love you there!!

so now your "tricks" or talents as i like to call them are as follows:
*"touchdown!" when we say it you put your hands in the air
you even are trying to say touchdown.
*"singing!" and you say yah yah yah yah
*"drumming" and you drum on your legs or the table
*"wheres julian?" and you play "peek-a-boo" behind things.
*"can i have a bite?" you share your food with us.
*"say please?" you do the sign language for please, runnign your chest in a circle.
*"mahsser face" you scrunch up your face and breathe like a monster!
*"give me loves" you lay your head on us. almost hugging.
*"high five" self explanatory :]
*"pound it" you fist bump :]
*"swoosh" you raise your hand like you are making a basketball and say 'soosh'!
*"what does a snake say? hissss" and you hiss!
*"meow" and you meow back.
*"nose goes!" and you stick your finger on your nose.
*"no no no no no" uncle taught you this at 6 months. and you shake your head.
*"go crazy!" you shake your head hard and side to side. :]
*"tongue" if we stick our tongue out, you will too...repeatedly.
*"rawr" you will rawr back to us.
*"dance dance" you will walk in place, dance by bending your knees, or bob your head.
*clap clap" you will clap when you do somethign right or when we ask you to...or even when you see other people doing it.
*"gentle" when we say gentle you will pet the kitties gentle or rub our heads or arms gently.

words you know and say when we ask or point to something:
"meow"
"kitty"
"wassat?"
"whosdat?"
"whatredoing?"
"me"
"oh whoa"
"nana" for nanny
"mama"
"dada"
"dog"
"tree"
"BackPack" this one is new and random. but i love it!
"shoe"
"nomnomnomnom" for food. :]
"banana" you are having harder times with this but youre getting it!


people you know by face. cant say their names quite yet but you will walk to them or point if we ask you:
daddy
mommy
nanny
aunti kim
uncle scott
nonny frascha (aunti chelsea)
drunckle (uncle chris)
ChaCha (aunnie Kellee)
Uncle Chad
Gramma Kitty (daddy's mom)
Gramma Kori (mommy's mom)
Aunnie Hedder
Mitch
Codi
Miss Mammy Key
Wes
Miss Amy
Aeson (Amy's son)
Cousin Devin (drunckles son who is 7 years older than you :])
miss April
Justin
Miss Juliet. you LOVE miss Juliet.

Things you like to do:
-play with big boy toys
-walk all around
-try to unlock the door with keys
-try to turn the doorknob
-play with our teeth or tongue
-dance
-play with daddy's DJ hero and dance
-play with daddy's guitar
-play with daddys cowbell while he plays guitar
-play with the remotes
-play with the xbox controller
-eat cat food...we really have to watch you or you really try to do this. not funny, but you are so adament about it!
-turn the tv and all of the game systems on and off on and off.
-flip light switches
-read books with elmo in them.
-watch tv...sometimes when its night time you point at the tv and say please.
-try to climb the stairs...even with the baby gate we have to tell you no because you'll try and climb up the side.
-brush your hair with hairbrushes
-brush your teeth with toothbrushes
-put things on...be it a scarf or daddy's headset or clothes or a belt...you put it on your head
-if you dont like food, you spit it out into my hand or into your own.
-try to feed yourself with a spoon...very messy but cute!
-watch basketball. you have always loved sitting with daddy and watching basketball.
-eat subway! you have started having 3 inch sammiches all by yourself!
-drink through a straw...but you hate sippy cups.
-wanting our food. no matter what we give you...our food is always better to you. :]
-snuggle with mommy and daddy. you even used to pat us back.
-snuggles with nanny.
-you kick off the covers every time...no matter how cold it is.
-when goign to sleep you hum...mmm mmm mmm mm. just like we do to put you to sleeps.
-play catch! you love throwing the ball back and forth.
-screaming. i think because you dont know how to use words yet on your own. soon love. its okay. learn at your own pace. :]
-bathtime! you love bathtime with daddy in the bath, and showers with mommy are usually when you prefer just to cuddle.
-try to play with the laptop. rawr! we have to tell you no!
-play with mommy, daddy and nanny's phone. you have added many contacts into my phone...all of them are "pppppppppppppppdppppppppp" or "amjepppppppppooooooooooooopp" :] you even call people and text people on accident. lol wooops!


my boy, you have SO much love!
im so proud of all of your learning!
you are learnign more and more every day and i am thrilled that you and God picked me and daddy and nanny to raise you : ]
we love you very much son!

you're learning to blow kisses...


and my new favorite...
you say AOM! when you take a bite like mommy taught you. :]

sigh...such new things!


what the hell am i doing down here on the computer?

im going to go cuddles you!

some updates from mommy.

mommy worried about the world today; worried about a man who doesnt like us. i cried because i worried. i want so much for you to have a logn full life. I want for you one day when you are in your twenties to get to lay next to the person you love and want to marry, with a baby you'd do anything for in a crib near you. thats my perfect life bubba. God kept us safe for another day and i am so happy.


moving on to happy other news.
you dance by quickly walking in place and bouncing. such a big boy!

im SO proud of you. we took you to the doctor for your checkup on Tuesday 02.09.

25th percentile for weight (skinny boy)
50th percentile for height (tall little man)
95th percentile for your head (my smart little beau!)

growing big and strong!


on a random note: Miss catrina got your one year announcement i finally sen tout (6 weeks late lol). and she responded :]

Dear Julian,
I got your one year announcement today and I could not stop smiling. You look so very handsome! I am so blessed to be able to know you, sweetboy. I do hope you know how much you are loved, well... actually, how could you possibly imagine? Trust me... it is immeasurable! I ♥ you! -"Pretend Aunt" Catrina


she loves you, and so do mommy and daddy.


on tuesday 02.09 Daddy asked mommy to marry him.
mommy said yes. and on 09.16.2012 we are going to go someplace far away and i think i am going to have you walk me down the aisle and unite our family. you might have a little brother or sister by then too!

our family is perfect, and its because of you!

just a good night note while you sleep.

just checking in to tell you that i love you.

i never tire of saying that.

i am gonna go cuddle you.

i love nights with you.
i love every minute of you. :]

you make mommy and daddys life so amazing.

sleepy time.

hmmmm.

maybe i WAS pretending to sleep. but i just really love cuddling with you.

some fun pictures from this weekend.

you have decided that the KeyFob for the car should unlock the door : ] SO SMART!

you also LOVE helping mommy do laundry : ]

and we like cuddles.

daddy and Julian.

this was you and daddy pooped out yesterday while mommy shopped. how beautiful.

i love you SO much.

you and your daddy are so close to my heart.

cuddles.

you for some reason really liked to hug me.


im okay with that. :]

jude jude bo bude.

sugar pie.


yesterday you and momma and daddy got dressed up and shopped.
i love spending my days with you.

you are getting so good at walking, i am SO proud.

you are singing right now as Nanny plays her bass.
how good of a singer you are! :]
i love that you love music like mommy and daddy and nanny. you love to dance to songs playing and everyone who sees you thinks its wonderful.

you are testing us lately. when we tell you to not touch something, you then retaliate and start hitting at whatever we told you not to touch.
in the last 5 minutes youve done that to daddys phone, mommys laptop, and nannys amp for her bass.
you are testing our limits bubba. but we love watching you learn.
you also learned your tongue. being tongue tied as an infant you never played with it much. but now when someone sticks their tongue out at you, you will promptly remove your bebo and stick out your tongue right back.

you have such personality!

im so proud to be your mommy.

i think me and Lady J might take you and her boy B to the zoo soon.
i know you will love the animals!

im goign to spend time with you before bed. tonight you will sleep with us :]

love you baby boy.


Julian Russell Charles Backer...
lol you love the Jude Song. :]

kisses baby boy.

soulmate.

you are my SOULMATE.

my heart is the happiest when im with you. when im away, all i want to do is come home to you.

you make any place a home.

my heart is just so happy with you and daddy in my life.


thank you for beign so wonderful.


i love layign next to you when we cuddle. and you kick off all the blankets. just like daddy you dont like your feet under blankets. and just like mommy you like to cuddle the blankets. its a hard mix : ]

im so so in love with our life.


you are truly the match to my soul.

walking walking!

you are getting more confident on your feet, and sometimes you choose to walk without us telling you to!

today we went to feed the ducks.

how proud of you i am : ]

you are starting to get sick, sneezy and coughy and a little runny nose.

momma will take good care of you.

we are getting some money from taxes and are going to move into a new home soon.

we look forward to everything with you.

we're thinking of getting married in 2012 maybe? on our 5 year anniversary?
you'll be almost 4. crazy but oh so sweet.


you are perfect for us love. you are our world. :]

so excited to see you being independent and walking around.

soon to heart you say you love me.

i love you more than words, lets just pretend thats why you dont say them quite yet : ]