sing mahmee

those words are precious.

as i lay you down in your big boy bed, to try it once more, you cried. so i sat there in the dark by your bed and sang. when i thought you were asleep minutes later i stopped, only to hear you stir and say "sing, mahmee." so so quietly.

your love completes me and overwhelms me.

im so so in love with being your mahmee.

i love you Julian.

guess what baby?

the best part of me is you.

everything, who i am when im with you is the best me.

i love being your mother.

i was thinking today, no matter what happens with anything, with anybody, there isnt any way i will be unhappy, because i have you.

everything is for you.

i love you.

and i dont deserve you.

you're precious to me, and im so grateful that i can see God's love for me, in the simple fact that he entrusted me with you.

and im going to spend my days earning what he readily gave me.

God is good baby.

you are perfect for me, soul mate : )

how blessed am i?

lets face it...right now we are poor. but the good kind of poor. the poor where the bills are paid and we are happy. there is end to the lack of fundage in sight.

last night we cuddled and watched toy story 3 (you LOVE it....as does mahmee) and ate pb and honey sammiches.

today is a good example of making the best of things.

i have 12$ in my checking acct. less than 1/4 tank of gas.

and we are out of milk and most foods.

but today i get to make you something we DO have, macaronij and cheese with hot dogs. which, lets be real, we should eat regardless of financial situation.

its day 3 of mahmees 4 days off with you. and im soaking it up. thank you for being beautiful nad perfect.

oh, did i mention i started trying out pullups? yeah, when youre 18 and read this, i bet youll turn bright red or make a joke, but im proud of you. you are such a good kid, and i hate that you have to get bigger at all!

you just approached me wanting to play "baseball", which to you is holding a chopstick while i throw a tennis ball at you.

:)

we're perfect for each other.

now stop climbing all over things and behave!

gonna go cuddle you.

i just LOVE that i get to spend all 4 of my vacation days with you.

im so blessed to be your mahmee.

every good thing i do in my quest to better the world, is to try to repay God for letting me be your mahmee.

i love you baby boy.

always, always, always be my soul mate, my baby, my sonshine.

Will you kiss my head?

we laid down together on daddees bed when you wouldnt nap. and you asked me "mahmee, kiss my head?" so i gave you a kiss on your precious forehead.

then you asked again "mahmee, kiss my head!"

so again, i pressed my mahmee lips against that sweet big ole head.

you got this sweet grin on your face and said, "Thank youuuuu."

i LOVE it.

i want to remember that.

you didnt go to sleep, and we have to leave soon to go pick up daddee while his car is broked. but you precious, every minute with you is bliss.

mahmee has a stomach ache today.

you see, ive mentioned before that my organs, the important pieces of the body, are a little wonky. my organs that make babies, the ones that made you have a disease called endometriosis and it makes my tummy hurt sometimes.

but when it hurts, even bad when it hurts to move, i remember that through it all, God still let me have you. and i will take that pain in a heartbeat if it means that i got you.

oh yes.

i got you babe.

youre the best gift.

still remember the first time i heard your heartbeat.

i cried, it was the most beautiful sound i had ever heard...replaced soon after with the first cry after you came out into the world.

thank you for changing my life.

im madly in love with you sonshine.

stolen...

but its the only time i have ever read someone explain your words:

"That's what I get every day that I have Noah. Forget any other horrible or difficult thing in this life. I get that. Andthat makes it so that nothing bad matters. Everything else... it's trivial. Throw the worst day you possibly can at me. Take me to the edge of my ability to cope. Rip the rug out from under me. Just let me have that when it's all done, and the world will be right again."

replace NOAH with JUDEBUG and you have got the definition of my love handsome boy.

i love every.single.thing about you.

this daddy loves his boy as much as i love you.

its so nice when babies pick out their parents with God. thank you for picking me Julian. and im so glad Noah picked Dan.

for you parents: this is a fun little blog.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/noah.html

something of daddy!

this is love. your daddy is so proud of you.

and so is your mahmee.

nothing....

in this whole world makes me happier than when i put you down for sleep and i say "i love you julian" when you say "i love you" back to me.

you are precious to me.

i am so blessed that we have such a great relationship.

you are wonderful and amazing and i am smitten with you babe.

i swaddled you yesterday bubba. just for fun. to cuddle you like when you were a baby. and you fell right to sleep. it made me happy. i love still feeling like you are my baby boy, even if you have a mind and a world of your own. i love you bootdoo!
just love these photos. how happy you were at 1 week old. by the way, i do not believe that baby smiles are gas smiles. i believe babies feel happiness and i believe that for some cases, smiles are an automatic response to happiness and not something a person tries to do. therefore a smile is innate right?
you and your daddy are boys boys:] you guys will be very close in the coming years i just know it.
your eyes and your smile make me soar!
hi love.
i am so glad i cant ever shake these moments from my noggin.
ha you are my reason love!

i think about you so much.

it seems like sometimes when you wake up from a nap you look much older than when i put you down for that nap. and that makes me sad and happy. i know that no matter how old you get you will always love me and vice versa. i truly believe that we have something good, you and me and daddy. see we care so much for you, we are doing everything just for you. and daddy is doing a great job taking care of mommy and vice versa until we figure things out. i love you. and i do love daddy and we will be okay.

today you went with Grandma Kitty and Auntie Ayla to the World Beat and watched the parade while mommy caught up on sleep from her first week of school. then we went to Portland and visited with Mr Bryan and Ms Caitlin and miss delilah. Lilah is one year older than you. they had a party for their new house and we visited. you got a bit stressed out and threw her toys and screamed a little but then Mr Bryan came to play with you and you had fun :] they are good friends of mommy's. and they sure do love you.

you played ball and you have such a good arm!

then we stopped in to see NaNa and PaPa and you played with all the balls and elmo! they are so fond of you. :] they have taken very good care of mommy. thats why your middle name is russell. nana's and papa's last name is russell. :]

then we went and fed ourselves with subway :] and you ate all your sammich after having boycotted food all day :]

anyhow, then we fed Penny and Indy and went home where we cuddled with Zack and Cody until night night time.

im going to bust my butt in school buddy. this is for you, for us, for our life.

i love you and i want you to know we work hard for everything. when you go to school, then high school, then hopefully college...do it in your way, but do it well baby.

we are trusting god that he brings the money together. this is a hard time love, but we are going to make it work.

mommy wants this for us very badly, and we might be living with a roommate for a little while or something but i will always keep you safe lovely.

no one will come near us that is unsafe and we will have family and daddy around all the time.

they say it takes a village to raise a child. and you have the best most loving village.

tomorrow we are going to the beach to see Uncle Chad and mommys mother, grandma K.

Milestones!

baby boy.
you are 17 months old in 2 days.

and today you went to the bathroom on your potty!

and to be a proud mom for a moment, you went #1 right after a nap in the potty and #2 later on in the day!

you are so so big and so so proud! you dont understand the concept i dont think, but you do know what sound it makes and that its a good thing!

baby boy you are doing so well. just such a fast learner and so wonderful.

teething is being horrible to you. you need mommy and daddy in the night. and have a rough time.

we'll get through this baby!

you said shane, jesse and andy today. so so so perfect. you are so wonderful and they would all be proud. ill tell you more about them one day.

m working so hard on going to school. im working on it babe. sometimes its easy to just st on the couch and just rest and not do anything.
but m going out there. hope you do the same in anything that you know is right, even if it snt always easy love.

i love you more than ANYTHING and want you to always be happy.
would love for you to have a college education and go get a job doing something good and secure. but if what will make you truly happy and safe and in love with life is something different, then do it. as long as you are doing good things and helping people and not hurting others i will always support you. you can do whatever you want. and if you want it bad enough, you will do it.

its been 3 days without a cigarette.
and i watched biggest loser finale tonight.

baby boy, my sweet Judebug, my sunshine, my baby bear, Julian,
im going to be healthy for you.
im going to do whatever i can to make sure i can be there for you always.

you are my world Julian, and i wll do WHATEVER i can to make sure i am always here with you.
nothing can keep me from you babe, you are my sweet, and i would give it all for you.

everything i do now, school, life, love, every breath i take and every thought i have is with you in mind.

cant say t enough and it wll never explain it completely; but you are my SOUL mate :]
and kimmis computer has a broken "i" key, i promise i dont spell badly :]

love you bootdoo!