ill be honest...

the other day mahmee wasnt the best mahmee. i was hurting in my heart, and daddy and i had a talk that kind of made me sad inside.

im sorry baby, that i was so focused on my pain that i felt that i wasnt as attentive. the cuddles i got from you later were wonderful. and it was a delightful change from your behavior earlier. i could tell you were ornery because mahmee wasnt feeling so good inside.

but im so so in love with all you are baby.

youre beautiful and i wont take our time for granted. YOU are what matters love.

and im sorry.

thank you for always understanding and being the best little boy.

i love you sonshine. you are my precious!

just some randoms from 13-24 months.

lounging.
oh this is one of my favorite pictures. i know its not nice that you are crying, but you are beautiful.
can i just say, you LOVE headbands almost as much as you love glasses.
Carseat laughter.
the one there was at subway, you thought you saw zack and cody because one of the teenagers there had longer hair. so cute.
you and your daddy are super close. i love seeing you guys together.
this one makes me laugh.
we love to play in glasses.

my beautiful handsome little manlet.
beach and such.



oh were you mad i took away your golf ball. "we dont throw hard balls judebug"

TWO BEBOFACE!




bASEBALL AT Lilahs

anger at sushi.
kissy at Keemys.

guess what baby?

the best part of me is you.

everything, who i am when im with you is the best me.

i love being your mother.

i was thinking today, no matter what happens with anything, with anybody, there isnt any way i will be unhappy, because i have you.

everything is for you.

i love you.

and i dont deserve you.

you're precious to me, and im so grateful that i can see God's love for me, in the simple fact that he entrusted me with you.

and im going to spend my days earning what he readily gave me.

God is good baby.

you are perfect for me, soul mate : )

how blessed am i?

lets face it...right now we are poor. but the good kind of poor. the poor where the bills are paid and we are happy. there is end to the lack of fundage in sight.

last night we cuddled and watched toy story 3 (you LOVE it....as does mahmee) and ate pb and honey sammiches.

today is a good example of making the best of things.

i have 12$ in my checking acct. less than 1/4 tank of gas.

and we are out of milk and most foods.

but today i get to make you something we DO have, macaronij and cheese with hot dogs. which, lets be real, we should eat regardless of financial situation.

its day 3 of mahmees 4 days off with you. and im soaking it up. thank you for being beautiful nad perfect.

oh, did i mention i started trying out pullups? yeah, when youre 18 and read this, i bet youll turn bright red or make a joke, but im proud of you. you are such a good kid, and i hate that you have to get bigger at all!

you just approached me wanting to play "baseball", which to you is holding a chopstick while i throw a tennis ball at you.

:)

we're perfect for each other.

now stop climbing all over things and behave!

blazers.

youre beautiful. thanks for being you. thanks for being my date to the blazer game.

mahmee wants to take you courtside. when youre older i will, and we will spend lots of blazer time together.

i love you soulmate, i love you.

Will you kiss my head?

we laid down together on daddees bed when you wouldnt nap. and you asked me "mahmee, kiss my head?" so i gave you a kiss on your precious forehead.

then you asked again "mahmee, kiss my head!"

so again, i pressed my mahmee lips against that sweet big ole head.

you got this sweet grin on your face and said, "Thank youuuuu."

i LOVE it.

i want to remember that.

you didnt go to sleep, and we have to leave soon to go pick up daddee while his car is broked. but you precious, every minute with you is bliss.

mahmee has a stomach ache today.

you see, ive mentioned before that my organs, the important pieces of the body, are a little wonky. my organs that make babies, the ones that made you have a disease called endometriosis and it makes my tummy hurt sometimes.

but when it hurts, even bad when it hurts to move, i remember that through it all, God still let me have you. and i will take that pain in a heartbeat if it means that i got you.

oh yes.

i got you babe.

youre the best gift.

still remember the first time i heard your heartbeat.

i cried, it was the most beautiful sound i had ever heard...replaced soon after with the first cry after you came out into the world.

thank you for changing my life.

im madly in love with you sonshine.

stolen...

but its the only time i have ever read someone explain your words:

"That's what I get every day that I have Noah. Forget any other horrible or difficult thing in this life. I get that. Andthat makes it so that nothing bad matters. Everything else... it's trivial. Throw the worst day you possibly can at me. Take me to the edge of my ability to cope. Rip the rug out from under me. Just let me have that when it's all done, and the world will be right again."

replace NOAH with JUDEBUG and you have got the definition of my love handsome boy.

i love every.single.thing about you.

this daddy loves his boy as much as i love you.

its so nice when babies pick out their parents with God. thank you for picking me Julian. and im so glad Noah picked Dan.

for you parents: this is a fun little blog.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/noah.html

moving moving!

from facebook today: when all is said and done, i just want to look in those eyes, hold your hand and kiss that sweet face. its been a long week, and there are a few more days left baby. but soo you'll see your new house and sleep in your big bed :] i miss you Julian!

its been crazy baby. you've spent 3 days with Grandma Kitty while i prepare our new house in beaverton.

mommy doesnt like you havent to be so far from daddy, but itll be good. mommy needs to see a special doctor up there, and there are lots of loved ones up there! we are going to do great baby. we are putting our life in Gods wonderful hands, and things will be PERFECT :]

and so it begins...

8 weeks ish.

20 weeks.

35 weeks.