you are camping

for the first time with daddy.

mommy stayed home because she has class tonight and tomorrow.

i miss you.

i hope you are safe baby.

Uncle Chad is in town.

we are all here close and we love you so much.

you love me so much and its so powerful.

i love you!

one of my new javorite Judisms is when we ask you what something says...you now respond in a high pitched falsetto.

"jude whatsa dino say" in a high pitched voice you say "RAWWWR" its SO cute.

i love you.

for you baby boy.

my weeks seem fuller now, somehow.

the first cup of coffee brews at 7am, before you wake.

i sneak in and give you a quiet kiss on the head, hoping not to wake you. you need your sleep.

the last cup of coffee happens around 10pm, before i come home and give you a kiss before you head to bed.

i have hours ahead of me; there are things to study, things to learn, things to clean.

the books i read are barely creased, but in time i know the bindings will earn their wear and tear, the earmarks of hard work.

you have no interest in these books but i read them aloud anyway.

the breaks i take in between are filled with smiles. its amazing how the time i spend with you is so fulfilling and energizing.

i'm more tired than i have been in a long time, but this is a better kind of tired. there are some night i am so tired by six in the evening, only to find myself still awake 10 hours later. when you wake me in the morning, i wake with a smile on my face. oh we have come a long way. the past year has been a tough one, an interesting one.

when i took vacation, coming home to you was so amazing.

when i was having trouble at work, you were there for me at the end of every day.

when i finally left my job, and you were there for me.

and all the days after while i contemplated whether or not i could start school so late in the game.

you taught me, its never too late.

right now the birds are starting to chirp outside.

how long it has been since the days of staying up past four, and i don't know how i used to do it with such ease. i do know i would rather be laying up there with you than sitting on the hard living room floor surrounded by a mess of blankets. blankets that served as my bed the previous night. you laid there with me last night. spending time with me while i studied. i know that i have been busy, and i know its only been a week. you have been so supportive and so wonderful. the nights when i come home after ten and you have a late dinner with me...priceless.

i wish that i were upstairs with you, with my arm around you, or even just working in the same room as you. But you need your rest. your days are full and lively, and you need that rest. the glare of my laptop and the sound of the pages turning might disrupt you.

instead i press play and let another episode of one of your favorite shows play on tv, with no intention of paying any attention to it. merely comforting background noise.

this is for you, and i hope you know that. for you and me. our lives will be made better by the work and effort i put into this for you.

i wouldn't be able to do this without you. you give me drive and a smile.

when i walk in with a few spare moments and you put your hands on each side of my face, and you kiss me the way you do with that silly smile...it energizes me. the days we have lunch together are much better times spent than taking the nap i ponder taking.

the cursor blinks on the screen, waiting for me to tell it what to say.

i just stare at it. my mind is elsewhere. my mind is with you.

i look over at the monitor to my right; the red lights have long since settled down, and all i hear is the faint sound of you breathing in and out.

this is for us baby.

you're a pretty rad kid.

and i love you son. :]

we're going to have it all.

i promise you that.

i swaddled you yesterday bubba. just for fun. to cuddle you like when you were a baby. and you fell right to sleep. it made me happy. i love still feeling like you are my baby boy, even if you have a mind and a world of your own. i love you bootdoo!
just love these photos. how happy you were at 1 week old. by the way, i do not believe that baby smiles are gas smiles. i believe babies feel happiness and i believe that for some cases, smiles are an automatic response to happiness and not something a person tries to do. therefore a smile is innate right?
you and your daddy are boys boys:] you guys will be very close in the coming years i just know it.
your eyes and your smile make me soar!
hi love.
i am so glad i cant ever shake these moments from my noggin.
ha you are my reason love!

i think about you so much.

it seems like sometimes when you wake up from a nap you look much older than when i put you down for that nap. and that makes me sad and happy. i know that no matter how old you get you will always love me and vice versa. i truly believe that we have something good, you and me and daddy. see we care so much for you, we are doing everything just for you. and daddy is doing a great job taking care of mommy and vice versa until we figure things out. i love you. and i do love daddy and we will be okay.

today you went with Grandma Kitty and Auntie Ayla to the World Beat and watched the parade while mommy caught up on sleep from her first week of school. then we went to Portland and visited with Mr Bryan and Ms Caitlin and miss delilah. Lilah is one year older than you. they had a party for their new house and we visited. you got a bit stressed out and threw her toys and screamed a little but then Mr Bryan came to play with you and you had fun :] they are good friends of mommy's. and they sure do love you.

you played ball and you have such a good arm!

then we stopped in to see NaNa and PaPa and you played with all the balls and elmo! they are so fond of you. :] they have taken very good care of mommy. thats why your middle name is russell. nana's and papa's last name is russell. :]

then we went and fed ourselves with subway :] and you ate all your sammich after having boycotted food all day :]

anyhow, then we fed Penny and Indy and went home where we cuddled with Zack and Cody until night night time.

im going to bust my butt in school buddy. this is for you, for us, for our life.

i love you and i want you to know we work hard for everything. when you go to school, then high school, then hopefully college...do it in your way, but do it well baby.

we are trusting god that he brings the money together. this is a hard time love, but we are going to make it work.

mommy wants this for us very badly, and we might be living with a roommate for a little while or something but i will always keep you safe lovely.

no one will come near us that is unsafe and we will have family and daddy around all the time.

they say it takes a village to raise a child. and you have the best most loving village.

tomorrow we are going to the beach to see Uncle Chad and mommys mother, grandma K.

just a little laughter.

stolen from: http://www.suburbansnapshots.com/2010/06/10-reasons-having-toddler-is-like-being.html

:]

WHY HAVING A TODDLER IS
LIKE BEING AT A FRAT PARTY*

THURSDAY, JUNE 10, 2010

*That one frat party I've ever been to, having gone to a Very Serious Arts College.

10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.

happy fathers day!

today i got you to say "happy.daddy.day" to daddy.

how blessed we are that your daddy is your daddy! he is a wonderful person.

even though mommy and daddy wont live together doesnt mean we dont love each other and you. we will do everything to give you all we can. :]

you now say some more fun things:

"surf monkey"

"no mom"

"my mommy"

"the daddy"

"dragon"

"dino"

"Blazers" when you see the trailblazer symbol.

"Zack and Cody" (zatatdody) for Suie Life on deck :] you actually saw a kid at subway with long hair and called him dody it was so cute)

you say vroom vroom when we ask what a car says. uh uh ooh ooh for monkey, RAWWWWR! for Dino.

you are just getting so smart!

i love you SO much Julian. and i am so complete with you.

im getting healthy baby.

im going to be the best mommy ever.

mommy loves you.

i know this has been a rough week.

i have been having some issues with things the past week and mommy needed a vacation. i know you went a long time without seeing me. but daddy took good care of you.

just because mommy and daddy fight and arent the same like before doesnt mean we dont love you bootdoo.


remember that. :]

i start school on monday.

i love you.

i love you.

no matter WHAT happens i LOVE you and i will NEVER leave you. i want you to always remember this baby.

today we go to Aunnie Hedders graduation from college.

im gonna make you proud love.

you are going to have a mommy better than anyone elses.

:]

one day baby

one day you are going to have a little brother or sister :] you are going to be a great big brother. you are sweet and kind. '
your thing lately is walkign around saying "i'm funny". or picking uip the house phone bringing it to your ear and saying "hello, whatyoudoing?" you even call phones "hellos".

i wake up to your voice every morning and it is wonderful sweets. to hear you say "hi mommy! ah my mommy!" is just the best thing i couild possibly wake up to.

one day baby. mommy and daddy want to have a family full of love.
i dont know if i can ever love you more than i already do, but that theory is proven wrong every day. you are amazing love, and i am so blessed to be your mommy.

you have been refusing to use the potty lately, which is odd. but im okay with it. take your time handsome. aint no rush :]

im blown away by you. completely and simply. you are amazing.

i worry about you sometimes, because you complete my heart, complete my life.

but you know what baby, this is a good life. and you have already made life so much richer.
ill do everything i can for you baby, protect you from all that i can.

im your mommy, and daddy is your daddy, and noone can take that from us :]

kyron horman

watching the news today, there is a little boy who went missing this past friday, 3 days ago. he was last seen after he was dropped off at school. he is seven years old with short hair and glasses named Kyron Horman.

please, if it were my son i would want everyone to know who my son is, and help me to find him.

Kyron everyone is looking for you buddy. it's going to be okay.

http://www.kptv.com/news/23816333/detail.html

http://www.kptv.com/kyron-horman/index.html

1-800-THE-LOST

Lord, please help his family, and help him as well. he must be terrified or even unsafe. please give him and his family rest and please lord, open the hearts and eyes of those who may be able to help. lets bring him home, whatever your will.

Lord watch over my beautiful son, and please let us never know this pain.

I love you Julian.

we want Kyron to come home to his mommy and daddy.

im blessed to hear you say my name every day :]

PostSecret

PostSecret

love.

sometimes it helps to know that we all have secret thoughts.

never be ashamed of who you are, but use discretion.

i will always love you and be proud of you.

thats no secret babe.

cranky boy!

angry about everything.

:]

you're cranky and upset tired and unhappy.

but we're all in love babes.

as i type this you are moaning and searching for a place to lay down.

i love you baby.