for you baby boy.

my weeks seem fuller now, somehow.

the first cup of coffee brews at 7am, before you wake.

i sneak in and give you a quiet kiss on the head, hoping not to wake you. you need your sleep.

the last cup of coffee happens around 10pm, before i come home and give you a kiss before you head to bed.

i have hours ahead of me; there are things to study, things to learn, things to clean.

the books i read are barely creased, but in time i know the bindings will earn their wear and tear, the earmarks of hard work.

you have no interest in these books but i read them aloud anyway.

the breaks i take in between are filled with smiles. its amazing how the time i spend with you is so fulfilling and energizing.

i'm more tired than i have been in a long time, but this is a better kind of tired. there are some night i am so tired by six in the evening, only to find myself still awake 10 hours later. when you wake me in the morning, i wake with a smile on my face. oh we have come a long way. the past year has been a tough one, an interesting one.

when i took vacation, coming home to you was so amazing.

when i was having trouble at work, you were there for me at the end of every day.

when i finally left my job, and you were there for me.

and all the days after while i contemplated whether or not i could start school so late in the game.

you taught me, its never too late.

right now the birds are starting to chirp outside.

how long it has been since the days of staying up past four, and i don't know how i used to do it with such ease. i do know i would rather be laying up there with you than sitting on the hard living room floor surrounded by a mess of blankets. blankets that served as my bed the previous night. you laid there with me last night. spending time with me while i studied. i know that i have been busy, and i know its only been a week. you have been so supportive and so wonderful. the nights when i come home after ten and you have a late dinner with me...priceless.

i wish that i were upstairs with you, with my arm around you, or even just working in the same room as you. But you need your rest. your days are full and lively, and you need that rest. the glare of my laptop and the sound of the pages turning might disrupt you.

instead i press play and let another episode of one of your favorite shows play on tv, with no intention of paying any attention to it. merely comforting background noise.

this is for you, and i hope you know that. for you and me. our lives will be made better by the work and effort i put into this for you.

i wouldn't be able to do this without you. you give me drive and a smile.

when i walk in with a few spare moments and you put your hands on each side of my face, and you kiss me the way you do with that silly smile...it energizes me. the days we have lunch together are much better times spent than taking the nap i ponder taking.

the cursor blinks on the screen, waiting for me to tell it what to say.

i just stare at it. my mind is elsewhere. my mind is with you.

i look over at the monitor to my right; the red lights have long since settled down, and all i hear is the faint sound of you breathing in and out.

this is for us baby.

you're a pretty rad kid.

and i love you son. :]

we're going to have it all.

i promise you that.