sweet sweet boy.

today was a hard day.

for days you have had an on and off fever.
doctors told us it wasnt too bad a sign as long as you were your normal self.
you acted normal and happy. until last night. fever spiked and you wouldnt eat or drink. we put you in light clothing and you again slept with us.
i am SO glad you did.

this morning around 1000am you woke up and i sat up. i cleaned the nasties out of your eyes while you cried; they were so bad your eyes could barely open.
i leaned to the floor to pick up a diaper and sat back up to change you when i notced you change.

you stared off to your right and started twitching, your right side in rhythmic movements.

my sweet perfect angel was having a seizure. i knew right off the bat it was from the fever, but i still freaked. i screamed for Angela who came in and saw you. she grabbed her phone and called for the paramedic doctors to come get you. after you stopped shaking mommy noticed you weren't breathing, and your lips were now blue. your eyes weren't moving or even blinking and your entire body was completely limp.
i picked you up and you flopped over, nothing in your little body. my first thought is you were choking on your nasties. i pumped your belly a few times and nothing came up but spit. it occurred to me that you couldnt breathe.

mommy laid you down on the ground, lips still blue and no breaths and i pinched your little nose and breathed into you, one, two, three times. i was praying and begging so hard, and out loud, "God dont take him from me" you're my baby, my sweet sweet baby boy. and my heart broke in two as i breathed for you.

i heard a sputter, a cry, a whimper and you started moaning, still burning up. Nanny came and started taking off your clothes to cool you off, and your diaper. i rolled you onto your side and you didnt move just kept moaning. your voice was the sweetest sound, and i was so so relieved you were breathing. the paramedic doctors came in soon, and they put you in the big ambulance car.

we met daddy at the hospital. baby boy i was right with you the whole time.
the doctor told us you had a febrile seizure, a fever seizure. your fever had shot to over 105 degrees. its like cooking chili. if you turn the burner up to 9 without letting it warm up, it can burn fast. and your fever went real high real fast.
you would be okay, and they would give you medicines.
you had a chest xray which told us that you had bronchitis and the dcotr saw you also had 2 ear infections. we have to make sure you are okay with your nasties and keep you propped up so you dont choke on your ickies.

we have you home now, and boy baby you are tired.

im going to hold you until the cows come home, and then longer. screw the cows.

we are still praying. God is good and you are here with us. i thank the lord for every moment with you.

you were so strong and so tough; i am SO proud of you. my sweet sweet baby boy.

everything is going to be all right.

i love you JudeBug.
my julian.
my sunshine.