12.27.2008

.Dear Julian...

You are finally here. 

9 and 1/2 long months of being pregnant. 

11 years of painful painful months. 

7 years of hormones and pills.

1 surgery. 

6 months of lupron.

27 hours of labor. 

1 breaking water.

99 minutes of pushing. 

.

1 epidural and 2 epi boosters. 

you are here. 

the most beautiful picture perfect being i have ever seen. 

i can not even explain it. 

truth be told, i thought there would be more of you...heck daddy was 11 lbs when he was born and momma was 8.5. i thought for sure that you would be bigger than you were. 

but your face was beautiful. your eyes...curious. 

your hands with your long fingers and your feet with your long toes...perfect. 

you have toes like your momma: Aunnie K used to call me finger toes...and you are going to follow in my footsteps...toessteps...something like that. 

i hope to never forget the experience. 

it was about 1 oclock on poppa Bob's birthday that it started. i was so uncomfortable i couldnt stop rolling around on that yoga ball. 

my hips ached my back stung my feet swelled my legs cramped.  i was at aunnie k's house watching animal planet rolling rolling rolling. 

i was writing down the contractions as i felt them...irregular yet close together.  and i was getting flustered. at one point i rearranged k's fridge letters to say "Julian Come Home". 

i truly didnt think you were coming that night. or that year for that matter. 

around 10 daddy was supposed to come home. 

around 10 i heard a pop...and felt something strange. 

i realized shortly after that was indeed my waters...which they should call "that which is not at all like water". 

when daddy got there he had flowers...he didnt even know yet that you were coming. the contractions started getting worse, and we headed for the hospital. 

we got there and got registered and i got settled into a bed. 

which then changed to walking...then the tub. those contractions were coming harder and harder and i was trying to handle them. it took everything within me. 

after 5 hours at the hospital, i asked the nurse to check me...only to find that i was only at 4.5 cm. 10 seemed so far away! i had been having contractions for over 12 hours now.

i needed to rest, and i asked the nurse for the medicine. they called the doctor and an hour later they came with the medicine. i started to relax and they gave me medicine to make the contractions come faster and make you come sooner.  your heart rate was up and down, so they needed to speed things along. im glad i had medicine to help me relax. i was in for a long time more!!!

you were comfortable and didnt come out for quite awhile. 

the medicine started to wear off, but doctor todd came in to give me more. 

i was determined to be as positive as possible. 

mommy and daddy had waited for you! this was a happy day!!! mommy didnt scream at daddy at all. there was no yelling, no sadness or anger. Watch Over Me rang in the background. 

when the medicine started working again it was about time to push. 

its not like in the movies. 

there periods of silence between contractions while we all waited for you. it took 99 minutes to push you out. every second was worth it. 

daddy wasnt sure he'd be able to watch, but he was so excited when he saw you coming. 

Aunnie K and my mother were there helping me too holding my legs and hands to help me push. they were so happy you were coming. 

the second you came out they placed you on my chest and its a moment ill never forget., to look at you...disbelief. 

i cleaned you off and held you close. they let you lay with me for an hour before they checked you. 

it was the best hour of my life. 

you are phenomenal. 

the next few days in the hospital we didnt sleep hardly at all. 

i loved every second with you. 

12.27.2008 1639 (4.39pm)

7 lbs 5oz

19.5 inches long. 

Julian Russell Charles

my baby boy. 

we love you handsome. 

since that day you have laughed and smiled in your sleep. 

opened those big eyes in curiosity. 

you hardly cry.

you curl up ever so sweetly in our arms. 

you sleep so well. 

feeding was difficult with your tongue tie, but you were a trooper and we worked through it. 

you are the perfect compliment to our family. 

you are incredible. 

when you curl up to sleep on my chest and i can feel the rise and fall of your breathing chest against mine, its the most miraculous feeling. 

i hope everyone can feel that. 

its about others julian. 

its about making people happy, working hard to protect others. 

to make someone smile. to wipe away their tears, julian. 

we must always be mindful of others and do what we can with what we have. 

you're a beautiful soul in my handsome boy.