hmmm

i LOVE you.
this new shift is hard; i don't see daddy much, and we don't get family time with mommy daddy and Julian.

nanny is having a hard time, and no matter what she loves you very much.

i'm moving through things the best i can. and i love you very much. things with you seem so much brighter. i want to go to school and find a way to make things work. i wont sacrifice your life baby, i know that me getting smarter and getting a real education and job are important, but i want to save all the precious time with you.
i have appointments and i filled out paperwork to go to school if i can get enough monies. i dont think that i could handle working full time and going to school and missing out on time with you. you are everything that i have ever wanted.

i could never have dreamed, and boy did i dream, that having a child would be THIS amazing.

i always imagined being a mommy, but i could not have picked out a more perfect match for Daddy and I.
you are funny (today you crawled around with one of your remotes i bought you in your mouth to be silly).
you like music and dancing and drumming and singing.
you like to play with mommy and daddy, crawling and laughing and tickling and joking around.

we had wonderful time today and i got some home videos of it.
last night you thought it was funny to keep reaching for daddy's beer. we have to keep all eyes on you! you like the dangerous things; you reach for knives and mommy's nasty cigarettes and beers and you always beg for daddy's spicy foods. sometimes it makes you cry that we don't let you have these things, but when you are older and you read this you'll understand that we want nothing but the best for you.

i will quit smoking for you lover.
i don't want you to think this is a good thing.
i'm getting healthier; i've lost 84 lbs now.
i do this all for you and daddy. i'm SO in love with my life.

my life is now LIFE with you.

thank you for picking me and Daddy.
i'll spend my life showing you that we are the perfect match. :]

oh yes, and you have mastered saying MORE in ASL and you also now say Down when you want down. you're beautiful!