Julians first email!

Today julian,you sent your first email to daddy along with a picture of what we learned today: where different fruits and vegetables grow! We also learned about exclamation points! I have so much fun teaching you buddy! Daddy sent an email back and you read it with a little help! How smart you are! Love you boogy.

just a reminder

you are the breath in my lungs, my loves. 

i love you beyond any comprehension. 

:)

oh my word.

breathtaking! 

i love love love that i got some serious sleepy cuddles. i havent gotten many since Maya Narae was born, but dont you think for a moment that I dont miss it. you were my first world, my first soul mate. 

and man i love this :)

Julian Russell Charles, my SonShine, you light up my life and I am SO thankful for your presence, your meaning in my life. 

i thank God everyday for every breath, every rise and fall of your sweet lungs, every beat of your heart. im SMITTEN. 

Smitten

I don't feel well today but I look in the mirror and I see this and I'm so Smitten.  Daddy has taken the whole day so far with you,  and had been wonderful and now my Julian is here taking care of me with cuddles while daddy and Maya shop for groceries at the produce stand.  I'm so thankful.

just a pic

i love you boog.

small things with Great love.

I dont have it in me to talk about these things, even through a blog to future you. But this have been happening around the world lately, in te recent 6 months, that leave me speechless, in a bad way. the problem i that there are so many people out there that arent doing good things, and so many that do horrible things. but we mustnt ever cease in doing good.

so after the last major event that shook our country, i felt helpless. 

so i did what i could with that i had, and Nonny and I went to the redcross and gave blood. 

Mumma is O+, a blood type that allows me to give blood to many different kinds of people, not just those who have O+ blood. I dont go in as often as i should, but i will do my best from here on out! 

The procedure I did was called Double Reds, which the red cells are taken fro  my body and the rest of the blood returned to me. by doing this, it allows them to take twice as much (mummy has already almost donated a gallon of blood in the recent years...again ill be doing more from now on, its free, i have some to spare, and its needed!). the major benefits of doing double reds is that for accident victims and preemie babies sometimes whole blood isnt needed, only the red cells, and im able to give twice the normal donation (2 pints). 

Nonny gave whole blood for the first time, and we just laughed and lasughed and had fun with our phlebotomist (the blood taker) named Angela. I felt a kinship with the others there, all of us there to help others. no one there for selfless reasons. the volunteers, the phlebotomists, the donors...everyone was there to save lives. its phenomenal and I felt a very strong connection. 

i hope we can do this as a family when youre older and you see the value in doing what you can with whatever youve got :)

Uncle Clifton also sent this to me, and it made me think:

 theres your food for thought :) loves!

for you.

a couple years ago i got the dandelion, the wishy, on my shoulder and have taken AMAZING pride in the fact that my julian, and soon also my maya, blows wishes on my shoulder as if he is casting his hopes and dreams upon my shoulders. just as it should be.

but this, this is even more special. 

today I added something to it. 

today i added these names. these two beautiful names that I have fallen in love with. 

names that daddy and i mulled over for months, picking out the right ones for our babies. 

names that i say every day, and not once will i ever take their response for granted. 

i placed these names on my left side, in front of my heart that beats for you, right under the shoulder that is always there for you, and above the breast that nourished your bodies. (admittedly for much less time than i have hoped, but every drop of love fell for you my loves ans as maya and i stop our nursing journey, this new artwork on my body brings me comfort and solace in the hormonal aftermath that is coming with it!)

these names, which when i look in the mirror i see backwards, the font resembling heart strokes on a heart monitor, these names touch me in so many ways. 

i love them, the sound of them to my ears, the feeling of them on my lips. 

im smitted with your names,my Julian, my Maya Narae. 

today, daddy also got a tattoo. He got one also for you, his heart so full for his littles. Julian, our SonShine. Maya Narae, our Moon (in case you forget, Narae is a name rooted as Moon in Turkish i believe andshe has been Moon since she was in my belly.)

so he got what appears to be a striped crescent moon...but if you look closely, the inner circle and the stripes that come off of it are the rays of the sun. so his tattoo, it the sun and moon together, along his left arm, along the veins that go up to the heart :)

 we LOVE you. with overwhelming love. 

i am glad you will always have these reminders. 

Mumma and Deddy

we havent always been great at this love stuff. and i cant promise perfection, only dedication and learnign and love. 

but we are committed to holding on to each other through everything, especially you two. 

we are committed to holding on, for you, and for the greater good of our lives. :)

and i will hope and pray to God EVERY SINGLE DAY that when you grow up, you feel and give the love and appreciation and commitment and adoration that we have. because no matter what happens in the interim...we are for better or worse, sickness and health, ups and downs ins and outs. we are always here for you,our babies. we love you!

(and i sure do love your daddy.)

Mahmee Julian coffee date!

Is our thing and I love it.  You can tell the difference though,  between Starbucks chocolate milk and Dutch brothers.  That's my boy!  :) love our special coffee days baby,  it means so much to me!

Family foto!

Carousel on family day!

Late night cuddles.  I'm so so thankful for them.  It's in these moments im humbled and just so honored.  It hits me here how amazing it truly is and how helpless I am in the grand scheme of things.  I long to protect you from everything bad,  to give you everything good. To make your life as full of love as I can.  I will do anything for you sweet boy.  You are my first soul mate,  my truest love.  My sweet sweet boy.  I love you with every single fiber of me. Julian,  my Julian :)

overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed with my love for you.  Thank you for being so so wonderful.

:) x2

:)

Easter!